I guess I don’t hate bitches I just think it’s sad how all this different kind of bitches destroy the picture of most women in this world. Lean back and think about how many woman had to die and work their asses off, for the freedom and right we have at this time. I mean i know it’s not everywhere but the world has changed so much and so have we. Woman are basically allowed to do everything, legally we are seen as equal to men which I believe is just right.

But now think about all this girls that pretend to be dumb, let they boys hit them, run around like whores, show off their tits, post whole blogs with nudes and all that crap. Isn’t it sad that so many women fought for them/you! Some died so that you can fuck around now. Who wants to marry or have a serious relation ship which a chick who’s tits have been seen by 90% of the guys on earth? a chick who’s ass is known like some mainstream clothing brand?I’m so sure I could just by going through myspace for like 5 min find at lest 100 examples for this, you girls I’m talking about, I hope your fucking embarrassed.

Treat your freedom with some respect and know where this freedom comes from, fucking respect yourself.

Enjoy:

Der Strauß fliegt nie; die Hühner können wohl fliegen, aber nur schwerfällig, selten und nicht hoch; der Adler aber, die Tauben und Schwalben fliegen oft, mit Leichtigkeit und erheben sich hoch in die Lüfte. So schwingt sich auch der Sünder nie zu Göttlichem auf; er lebt nur auf der Erde und für die Erde. Gute Menschen erheben sich, ehe sie die Frömmigkeit erreicht haben, wohl zu Gott durch gute Handlungen, aber selten, langsam und schwerfällig. Fromme Menschen dagegen schwingen sich zu stolzen Höhen empor, sie tun es gern, häufig und schnell. Mit einem Wort: Frömmigkeit ist nichts anderes als Gewandtheit und Lebendigkeit im geistlichen Leben. Sie lässt die Liebe in uns oder uns in der Liebe tätig werden mit rascher Bereitschaft und Freude. Die Liebe bewirkt, dass wir alle Gebote Gottes beobachten; die Frömmigkeit; dass wir sie hurtig und bis ins kleinste erfüllen. Wer also nicht alle Gebote Gottes erfüllt, kann weder als gut noch als fromm bezeichnet werden; denn um gut zu sein, muss man die Gottesliebe besitzen; um fromm zu sein, außer der Gottesliebe noch eine große Behendigkeit und rasche Bereitschaft zu ihren Werken.

Now that I’m hung over and so on after a heavy night…

woke up and just I don’t know…

I just realised who are Friends that I know I’ll have all my life and it doesn’t matter if I don’t see them a year or how ever long. The moment I see them again it’s like we have never been apart. People I know I can trust I know will never back stab me or leave me in some awkward situation. I know they’d never leave me standing some where alone. They’d never lock me out, they’d never do any bad to me. Especially now, after I’ve been away for such a long time. I know they’ll always tell me the truth they’ll help me even if I did a big mistake even if I did them wrong, I know they’ll just tell me. If I feel like I have no where to go I know I can still go there and they’ll be there. Always.

Be honest to yourself how often do you just stop and go the easy or shorter way.

I can’t count the last years “mistakes” I did , because I was to scared  or too lazy or just cause I didn’t think about it for one more minute but instead…I went the easy way I just ignored what would have been better, maybe with more effort or so but now if I think back it would have been so much better. And now so much easier. But instead I took the easy way which was basically a step back. Sometimes because other people told me to and I listened. Sometimes because they thought they knew what was the best for me. Now I know it wasn’t and I should have listened to myself, my heart, my mind. Or to make it easier just agreed with what others told me even though I knew I wasn’t true. I could have fought against it but I didn’t, I’ve let them decide for me cause it was more “convenient”. I’ve let them take the wheel and they drove the wrong way by now so wrong that I can’t turn around anymore. Now I am sitting in this mess and all this comes back to me. I can’t blame anybody because it’s no body’s fault but mine. If I would have done what I first thought was right I wouldn’t bee sitting here writing this I maybe would be in a completely different place and things could be easier but also couldn’t maybe then I would have seen that they where right but at least I would have done the mistake and wouldn’t ask myself, what if? In the end there are always if’s and we can never take them all away but we can decide by ourselves and if it’s wrong it would have been our own mistake and then we take our next decision maybe in the right maybe in the wrong way but it was our choice and nobody else’s. Which is always right because it’s our/my life and nobody else’s what ever way I choose it’s always right as long as it is my way.

“Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can’t help but ask myself how much I let the fear
Take the wheel and steer
It’s driven me before
And it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal
But lately I’m beginning to find that I
Should be the one behind the wheel”- Incubus

I’m here since 2 weeks now and it feels like a year a year or two weeks too much.

I get the question if I’ve already settled in, far to often to even think about lying…NO I haven’t.

But I know why…’cause I don’t want to, I don’t want to feel home and happy here because I know I wont be here for long. What really happened that showed me that I just don’t belong…Is way to embarrassing to tell and are way too many anyway fact is anyway I don’t want to be here.

I have to listen to the whole”Oh you changed so much… How was it… and so on and so on all the fucking time you want to know?

I was fucking amazing I had the best year of my life I made amazing friends, awesome party’s, so many laughs, a second family and people I know I will know for the rest of my life… It wasn’t just good…

IT WAS FUCKING AMAZING!

I know that in many aspects I am a completly different person now,

but I like what I became.

I LOVE EM!

Thanks Luke

I was thinking about how impressing it is that some people who have actual problems in life like serious disabilities etc. have often so much more life strength to achieve something in their lives and then others who have everything see the tiny problem as something to kill them selves or just give up. Those who have everything don’t appreciate a thing and those who have none appreciate little things like its everything. There are exceptions like in everything that’s right. I remember last year I think, I walked past a homeless person who said to me that he was hungry and just wants 1€ for some food, I thought that with 1€ he wouldn’t really get some good food so I got out my just bought chicken sandwich(It was still all packed up) and he threw it in my face…Ok if i write it out it sounds funny”me with a sandwich in my face” (Y) My friend laughed too when I met her afterwards and I told her the story, but that’s not the point. He had nothing or not much so I like to believe and I gave him something little that was so big to me (I was so incredibly hungry and hand no more cash left)anyway, he just threw it away. I don’t know if he maybe just didn’t like chicken or if he wanted to use the money for the same reasons that he became homeless for but I was shocked of how unthankful people can be(and rude!!). How come that people can be so strange, like I said some have everything and don’t appreciate anything but others have everything would share everything. Why can’t we all just help. How come that some people see a old lady who needs help with her shopping, go and help her (for free!!!!) and other want to get something for it or USE THE SITUATION to steal everything the old lady has? I don’t know but I believe in karma…I do the best I can to help when it’s needed and I’ve got help when I needed it.I am nice to people and most of them are nice to me I can’t complain and I won’t. I say thank you if I am thankful. But is that all I can do?

It seems to me every time I move leave for a while or so everybody moves too. But not the same way I do. When I come back everything is different everybody is different, did i change? or did they?I feel the same, which means they must have. It’s keeping me away from everything, there is no point in making close friends as soon as I leave they have others and when I come back I’m not wanted anymore. There is nowhere I belong, no place I come from, nowhere I can go. No home.

A few weeks ago we talked about nationalities, what we think where we come from, what we would call home. One girl said even though she was born in on place she feels home where she is now. Another one said the opposite she feels home where she was born even though she didn’t stay there for long. Well and me, I know my passport says; Nationality-one thing , and i guess I do feel like on thing, I speak this one thins, my parents are this one thing, but i lived most of my life in another one while hating it I have to say that most people call this other thing my home but I can’t. I feel home on earth and if you want it more detailed, I can’t help you either. In the end I’m alone again, naturally.

Do I really need a reason to : Just randomly start singing a song, masking a song up, just singing wrong lyrics because I can’t recall the right ones, start dancing on the street, talk to complete strangers, smile at somebody I have never seen before, say sentences that don’t make any sense at all, listen to music that most people would call “weird”, care if people tell me I’m a freak, to constantly make stupid faces, never being serious, being highly sarcastic, mostly seeing life positive, finding something funny about everything, laugh in the most unappropriate situations, not wearing makeup often, spending all my money if I had planned to save it, not being able to resist those nice; shoes, pants, leggings, earrings, socks, undies, bra, shirt, jumper, jacket, jewels etc. , sometimes acting like I am sarcastic without actually being sarcastic, not wanting to grow up, acting highly inmature, forgetting everything, loving who I love, loving what I do?

If you still need a answer.

The answer is: Because I can

There are two people that I’d never expect to be so far away and this is not ment literally. I know I am the one who is far away, but I was also the one making to efford to stay in touch, but nothing came back. I would have never thought that you’d take such a big step backwards. Right into the world, superficial. We always had our times good or bad we walked away from each other and back to each other. But we never took a step back this is different this time, you walked back. You stepped right behind me with that knife, it stabbed as hard as you could. Yes, we always had some fights we talked about it, solved the problem and everything was back to normal each of us could forgive. I can’t anymore, not this time. You went to far and nothing is going to be as before anymore. Try to find the reason in me, try to make me look guilty.    Good luck with that.    I know I am not the guilty one, I am not the one who did the mistake. You could have asked me just talked to me but instead you just decided to just walk backwards. Be now, with your so called friends. I hope they won’t disappoint you like you disappointed me. But what you did was wrong. I can’t wish you anything bad, I can’t say I wish you’ll be unhappy. I don’t want to because I still care about you because we went through so much together. Remember the night I carried you home, you couldn’t walk because you cried so much and they where there, they saw you and turned around, your now so called friends. i just hope you will see who always cared for you and who will always care for you. Who was there for you and will always be there for you. It doesn’t matter what time of the day for what reason, I hope you remember the person who will make an efford for you, the person who would turn the world around for you.

Because that person is me.